Between a rock and a hard place: desperate to leave your work but cannot take the next step
There is a maddening paradox in wanting to do one thing, but unable to find whatever it takes to act. Feeling two things at once is always hard. It prevents clarity and therefore action is impossible.
Sometimes those two emotions you are experiencing are also contradictory and that makes everything more confusing and frustrating.
If you’ve ever experienced such conflicting emotions you’ll know this much - the status quo always wins. And this leaves you stuck, uncomfortable and thwarted.
But ultimately something gives – hopefully in a good way!
‘Change begins when the fear of not acting at last outstrips the fear of making a mistake’
So if you want to shorten that period of discomfort and usher in the possibility of positive change, here are some ideas for breaking free of this frustrating stalemate.
3 steps to positive action
So how can you drum up enough clarity to take action? Here are three ideas to get you moving in a much better direction than round in circles!
1. Feeling better about it
Step 1: See it clearly, call it out
Knowing exactly what you’re feeling and why is empowering in itself. Start by identifying those conflicting emotions using this simple formula: I’m feeling x and y
Let’s take as an example the dilemma many people I speak to are experiencing about their current work or their career as a whole:
I’m feeling certain I need to leave and uncertain what to do next and that makes me feel ……
What are those possibly mixed emotions?
Maybe they include frustration, anger, impatience, helplessness, despair, emptiness, overwhelm, confusion… or many others. Try using the emotions wheel to name all the different emotions that come up.
You now have more clarity – every time these feelings surface you can acknowledge what’s happening:
‘I’m feeling angry because I’ve felt this way for months and nothing is changing. I’m blaming myself – wondering why I can’t fix this’
Calling this out into the open means you can deal with the reality of the situation and get out of that swarm of bees inside your head.
b) Approach with acceptance and compassion
Try to view the situation as you would for anyone else who is suffering. Do this by adding a compassionate statement to your original one. Add something like this:
‘It’s uncomfortable but it’s not surprising I’m feeling this. Most people would feel the same.’
This helps you to normalize the situation and accept what you’re experiencing instead of burying it.
Now ask a compassionate question as if you were talking to a dear friend:
‘What do you need to feel better about this situation?’
Identify one productive action that would ease things for you. It might be something that actually helps move things on or helps you manage some of those feelings and shift a negative mood.
Actions could be something like finding useful information, talking to a helpful and non-judgmental friend or colleague, doing something you love, or going for a run. Then commit to taking that action.
2. Into action
Set yourself up for success by identifying actions you can actually complete.
· Make a list of between 1-3 actions to start with, don’t overload yourself
· Give each a start date and put it in your diary
· Identify how you can answer each problem – a resource or person
· Develop a daily habit for your actions – 5 minutes a day could make all the difference
· Piggy-back this new focus onto another habit – your tea break, lunchtime walk etc.
· Share your action(s) with a buddy, a coach, or a supportive colleague. This really helps with accountability
3. Maintaining momentum
On any journey there will be ups and downs, times when you’ll fly effortlessly, and others when you just don’t feel motivated to do anything at all. When you hit a bump in the road, try one of these:
a) Come back to what the problem is and why it matters to you. Remember to get out of your head and recognize what’s happening
E.g.
Problem = I’m feeling conflicted because I know I have to change direction but I’m stuck because I have too many ideas for different careers and don’t know how to evaluate them
Why it’s important to solve this problem = I want my work to be fulfilling, to use my strengths, to make a difference and right now none of these is true. It’s draining my energy and makes the future look bleak.
b) Review progress so far
If you like a chart, here’s one that records your progress
Hopefully you’ll be able to see your progress – you’re taking action and finding next steps.
Take the items from your ‘What next?’ column, add them to your action column and set off again… this is a journey remember! Each additional action brings the possibility of change closer.
c) If you find yourself stuck at any point (and most of us do) talk to someone whose opinion you trust. Having a buddy who knows what you’re working on, why it matters to you, someone who doesn’t judge and only offers advice if asked can be a huge support – and a motivator. There’s accountability, and if you want it, another brain to pool ideas.
Does that feel better?
If you follow these steps you’ll have greater clarity, and you’ll be ready to take at least one action. That means you’re in a new space and have regained some sense of agency. You’ll remember you really can change your status quo!
For more advice or a free consultation to talk through what’s keeping you stuck, please get in touch. I’d love to help you break free of your maddening paradox..