Are you drifting?

5 common myths that keep us drifting - and 5 ways to take back control of your life

You’ll recognize drift by one of these symptoms:

·     You often wish for some kind of catastrophe to change your situation – sudden redundancy, illness (non life-threatening!) or partner’s relocation

·     You feel carried along on the tide of other people’s actions or choices

·     You moan about your current situation but don’t invest time in changing things

·     You frequently daydream about a new life, great promotion or change of circumstances

Do any of these symptoms sound familiar? Then it’s likely that you’re drifting.

Step 1: Reality Check

And do you notice anything else those four scenarios share? Yes, all of them have subconsciously handed over control to someone else. It can become a habit to think we have no power to change our circumstances – but is this really true?

It could be that you’ve drifted into a way of looking at the world that positions you as being helpless. After all, this is familiar territory and doesn’t demand any effort on your part. Until that is, you realize that if you don’t DO something, the chances are that in five years’ time you’ll be right where you are – only more deeply entrenched and perhaps five times as unhappy!

So if that sounds worth fighting against, it’s time to shine a spotlight on that particular dangerous drift.

Drift is the decision we make by not deciding, or by making a decision that unleashes consequences for which we don’t take responsibility

Gretchen Rubin

 Step 2: AGENCY or ‘Take Back Control!

Now you’ve passed step one (recognizing the drift), you can get your hands back on the reins of your life.

Ready to take responsibility for what happens next? Then the easiest way to prepare for action is to gain clarity. Know what’s holding you back and you can start to create a plan to tackle that particular block.

WHY exactly are you drifting?

1. Do you believe change is outside your control? (Giving away your agency)

2. Are you stuck because you don’t know what else would be better? (No clear alternatives)

3. Are you accepting the status quo because you don’t believe you have it in you to change things? (Low self-belief)

4. Is drifting actually quite comfortable and the easiest option? (Discomfort aversion)

5. Are you imagining catastrophes arising from disrupting your status quo? (Fear of what might happen)

Or is there another reason that you’re drifting? If my 5 suggestions don’t fit your particular drift situation, try hard to come up with your own reason for why you’re sleepwalking through life. 

From here on in I’m going to call this ‘reason’ your myth.

Step 3: Exploding your myth

So you now have a clear reason (or reasons) WHY you are drifting. Just writing it down and saying it out loud helps plant a flag of intent:

I’m allowing myself to drift because ………………………

Share it with a trusted friend if you’d like extra accountability for the journey ahead. Now you’re ready to take some steps towards change. 

Follow the prompts for whichever myth applies to you:

1. Do you believe change is outside your control? (Giving away your agency)

ACTION: complete the statement that best sums up your current reality

a) I believe change is outside my control because… (blocks that are impossible to overcome)

b) I believe change is within my control and I can ….. (actions you can take to move forward)

For the record, I don’t believe there are many valid ways to complete statement a). If you’re certain a) applies to you, please send me your reasons and I’ll get back to you. And if you’ve succeeded in completing b) you now have the beginnings of a plan. You’re no longer drifting!

2. Are you stuck because you don’t know what else would be better? (No clear alternatives)

ACTION: Complete this statement

I don’t know what else would be better at the moment, but this is the first thing I can do to find out …..

If you’re a bit stuck on this one, try brain-storming what you’re not happy with and what you’d like instead. Take two sheets of paper and just allow ideas to flow for each. Keep your pages handy and come back to them over the next few days asking yourself each time: What else?

When you have got some of these factors out of your head, you’re no longer drifting because your perspective has shifted. You’re starting to distance yourself from these blocks and generate new ideas.

3. Are you accepting the status quo because you don’t believe you have it in you to change things? (Low self-belief)

ACTION 1: Try this

If I accept that change is outside of my control, I’m agreeing with these statements

·     I’m not clever enough (to change things)

·     I’m not resourceful enough

·     I’m not imaginative enough

·     I can’t ask for help

·     I’m accepting the status quo

Everyone has made changes in their lives, however big or small they were. You changed something when you: made new friends; chose a job and began working in it; started or ended a romantic relationship; went on holiday; bought a new car or suit or pair of shoes. 

Change is who we are as human beings. It’s OK to be anxious about change, that’s completely normal, but don’t let fears or self doubt allow you to carry on drifting if that’s not what you want.

ACTION 2: Bring on your best self

Remember a time when you achieved something you’re proud of. Imagine it in detail – how did you feel in your head, your heart and in your body? Bring that powerful version of you to your current situation and complete this statement:

I believe I CAN change my current situation, despite the fears and doubts I have. I’m choosing to start making some changes, beginning with …

(If you’re stuck on this one, try creating a vision board using this guide)

You’re not drifting any more because you’ve rediscovered some power, reconnected with it, and have a better understanding of why you were stuck.

4. Is drifting actually quite comfortable for you? (Discomfort aversion)

We’ve all been in this place! It’s not what you want but it’s ‘good enough’. Sometimes, that’s a very positive choice, but it can also be a cop out. Are you letting yourself off the hook too easily, adopting lazy thinking – or no thinking at all?

If maintaining the status quo is a positive choice to help you achieve something else in your life, and it’s for a limited period of time only, that’s OK. But be careful it doesn’t become a self-denying habit. Are you giving your agency over in service of someone else’s happiness – and when exactly will it be your turn?

This is about being honest with yourself. Try completing this statement to achieve complete clarity:

I accept that I’m drifting, and this is a positive choice to enable……. (to happen).

I’ll review the situations in 3 months (or insert your own timeframe) and make changes then if I need to.

You’re no longer drifting because you have made a positive choice, which you will review.

5. Are you imagining catastrophes arising from disrupting your status quo? (Fear of what might happen)

ACTION: get real!

Let’s get these fears and doubts out in the open. I’ve written about this in a previous articles here.

For now, start by completing this statement:

I’m accepting my situation x (write down what the precise change is you’re avoiding) because I’m afraid of:

1.

2.

3.

Now take each ‘reason’ in turn and find the evidence. Where is the proof that this fear is justified? If there is none, the chances are that your fears are unfounded and are part of the natural state of change – we simply CAN’T know what will happen next. 

But what we can do is to get clear about what we want instead of the current state of drift. That’s what each of my 5 myth-busting challenges is designed to do. Getting them out in the open is the best thing you can do.

If your fears are founded in reality and you have found the concrete evidence to back that up, you’re not drifting but acting rationally. You’ve made a conscious choice to stay as you are because the risks are too high.

Step 4: From drift to purpose

As a career change coach, I believe my clients have the ability to make change happen. I trust them and they learn to trust themselves. By asking the right questions and providing a structure to enable them get from where they are now to where they really want to be (even if that’s very unclear at the start), they grow in clarity. 

When they know WHY this change matters and what other options there are, they also have complete confidence in their new direction. 

If you’d like this kind of support at your side as you uncover and choose a better direction, take a look at The Quickstep Career Change Programme or Values Discovery. Both will provide action-enabling clarity. 

And Drift will be blown out of the water!