Let your career regrets point towards a better career
Fear of making the wrong career choice can be paralysing if we allow worries that we will regret our choice to take control.
Regret can also colour how we view a career that we’re less than happy with - sadness for all those paths not taken, wondering which might have worked out better.
But what if we allow regret to point towards something more fulfilling? Getting crystal clear about what we are regretting (and why) can open up valuable insights.
So, instead of feeling sad, stuck and helpless, we can actually unlock vital clues about where career fulfilment could lie. We will always have a choice about what we do next - about how we will act upon that feeling of regret.
No one lives a life of no regrets, so it’s pretty important that we learn to process this emotion, and use the data it holds to create something better for ourselves.
A closer look at regret
1. As a first step to understanding any feeling of regret, it’s worth reflecting on which version of ourself is experiencing the regret. Some psychologists point to three types of self:
The actual self - who you are right now
The ideal self - the truest, most actualized version of you
The ought self - the you that aims to meet society’s expectation of ‘success’
Ask yourself which version of you is feeling regret, and weigh its value accordingly. This awareness helps you stand back from the feeling of regret and start to understand what is actually happening. It will also help you to weigh up how much store you want to place on what that emotion is telling you.
2. When faced with an important decision, and you’re worried about making the wrong choice, think about whether the regret you are afraid of is a short-term or long-term regret. We’re programmed to avoid short-term discomfort, even if it leads us to stay in a job we hate, and experience long-term regret. This is ‘the status quo bias’. Any change involves uncertainty and risk (both uncomfortable) and often leads us to stay put or do nothing.
If you’re interested in creating a more fulfilling career, a clear choice is essential. Recognising the status quo bias primes us to be aware of our internal processing, and choose to make a clear and well-informed choice based on our own criteria, not what society expects!
How to make a career choice that’s right for you
Reflecting on what’s behind that feeling of regret can be very enlightening. Identifying and acting upon those motivations can make all the difference to your career fulfilment. Try these prompts to better understand your regret:
1.The values and purpose underlying your regret
When you reflect on the regret you are feeling, go via your actual or ideal self, not your ought self. This will enable you to be completely authentic, and to understand what truly matters most to you.
Sit with the regret you are experiencing and:
In a couple of sentences, describe what it is exactly that you’re regretting
Now list any values that are embedded in this. For example, if you regret not launching a new business, this could be pointing to values of independence, freedom, flexibility, autonomy, creativity, courage or making a difference (to mention but a few). These are the values that could have found expression in that not yet launched venture
Now think about the purpose behind the example. For example if your new venture was coaching people going through divorce, ask yourself who is not benefiting because you failed to launch? Flip that to ask: who could benefit, and how, if you were now to launch this venture?
When you follow these prompts, you will gain valuable clarity about why this venture matters to you - and whether you are ready to now pursue it.
2. The strengths and passions underlying your regret
Focus on that sense of regret again (or choose another example from your past) and ask yourself:
Which strengths could I have expressed in this venture? Think about the skills you love using and which you have developed to a high level, and that you would have deployed in this option
Which passion(s) could I have expressed in this venture? Think about the topics or activities you could have immersed yourself in, and the type of work you could have achieved. How much joy and satisfaction would this have offered you?
3. The gremlins in your way
Very often, doubts and fears get in our way when we’re considering any type of change. Our thoughts tend immediately to what might go wrong, and how we’re not good enough to succeed. By recognising these negative voices and by understanding that they are NOT facts, just fears, we are better able to hear the doubts and act despite them. When we understand why the option could be so rewarding to us, it is easier to make a positive choice.
To counter this negative self-talk, try these:
Write down the statement you can hear in your head e.g. you’re not clever enough
Counter that by listing evidence from your past experience of times when you definitely were clever enough to (e.g.) solve a problem, initiate something, finish a project, lead a team, research and evaluate ideas etc.
Use this evidence to know that you have the capacity to succeed, you have done so before and you will again - perhaps even more so because you now understand WHY this is a strong option for you
Know also that it is the uncertainty of this choice that could get in your way. The more you can look clearly at the risks involved (as well as the rewards) and mitigate these risks, the more likely it is that you can make an affirming choice
Describe the best-case scenario - really get into the detail of a wonderfully successful outcome. Make it real - this could become a vision you use to inspire action
Regret could actually help you to change your life:
“Regret can be burned as fuel. To live in regret and change nothing else in your life is to miss the entire point.”
And if you’d like some help to examine your own regrets and how to change them into inspiring fuel, contact me below to arrange a free career call.